90 Day Relationship Challenge

Do you ever question your relationship? Are you truly compatible with your partner? Do you ever feel so burdened with responsibilities and tasks that you lose touch with your lover? Do you struggle to get your partners attention?
Check the 3 Levels of Relationship article to understand where you are in yours.
Any healthy relationship is based on a great degree of communication and a desire to focus on the other side. The following 4 steps will help you understand how to better meet your partner's needs and of course, how they can meet yours:

Rate how your needs have been met by your partner

a. On a scale of 1 to 10, rate the levels of Certainty, Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth and Contribution.

b. Pretend that you are your partner and rate the levels at which you have been meeting your partner's needs.

c. Now rate how your needs are met by other important parts of your life (friends, work, children, outside activities).

Assess your top two needs

a. Identify your top 2 needs in relationship: Certainty, Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, or Contribution?

b. What do you value in relationship? Stability, Love, Excitement?

c. Have you been successful at manifesting your values in the relationship?

What comes first?

a. What comes first for you, your partner or your other interests? Which have you been putting first in your day-to-day practice?

b. How can you change things so that your partner will meet more of your needs at higher levels? What rituals could you put into place together?

Commit and give

a. If you have chosen to put your partner first, commit to the 90-day challenge.

b. Give unconditionally. Watch and learn your partner's needs and what has to happen for them to feel their needs being met.

Tips for Meeting your partner's needs:


a. For men:
      i. Show up for her emotionally (when she is upset).
      ii. Give her love and understanding.
      iii. If she tests you (as they always do) take pride in passing her tests.
      iv. Call her on the phone just to tell her that you love her.

b. For women:
      i. Show him that your love is unconditional.
      ii. Don’t withdraw from him.
      iii. Tell him you will love him forever.
     iv. Love him as you would love your child (even when he is in a bad mood, even when you are angry and when he's done something wrong).


a. For men:
      i. Take the initiative to surprise her with a special date, flowers, or something else that she would especially enjoy.

b. For women:
      i. Plan a new exciting sexual scenario. Be unpredictable in how and where you show him your love. Tease him and provoke him


a. For both, ask yourself:
     i. What could you do on a weekly basis to make them feel special
     ii. What can you say to make your partner feel that they are the most important person in the world for you?
     iii. Find 3 different ways to let her or him know how much they mean to you.

Love / Connection

a. For both, men and women:
      i. Everybody has different ways for receiving love: Touch? Words? A certain look (for visual people)? Gifts or gestures? Discover your partner's preferred ways and you will be able to give with more satisfaction to both them and you.


a. For both, men and women:
     i. The way to experience growth in a relationship is to first to commit to each other.
     ii. Put energy into figuring each other out.
     iii. Learn your partner's needs.
     iv. Cherish his or her individuality.
     v. Propose ways to grow together towards your goals.


a. For both, men and women:
     i. First, contribute to each other. When you both feel more fulfilled, you can begin to direct your contribution together in other directions.
     ii. Remember that Problems are not just problems, but a sign that it is time for you to grow and contribute.
      iii. The best way to grow and contribute is to strengthen your commitment, to grow, and to contribute to the person who matters most to you.
Give to your partner like this for 90 days before trying to resolve any points of contention or asking for anything in return. At that point you will not only have a much higher level of fulfillment, you will have much greater clarity about what both of you really need.
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